Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
