You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My penis needs a shock collar
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
