he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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