Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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