what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize