toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
