Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
