Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
