if you like me you must not know who I am
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
