i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
