If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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