the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I don't deserve a penis
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
