Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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