I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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