If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Four minutes until I can fart!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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