That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
