SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
