Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
only you would photoshop your dick
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
