we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
