That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
