I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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