I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
