nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
