I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
