I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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