You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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