he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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