I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
