I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
