I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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