Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
