the new term for farting is butt boxing.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I could fuck to npr.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
