Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
