Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You ruined the universe
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize