so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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