you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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