Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
