I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
