He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
