This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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