New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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