idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
