I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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