I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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