new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize