She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
