If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
