You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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