Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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