my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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