I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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