This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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