so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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