a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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