everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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