I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
