You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
