Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize