i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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