Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
