Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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