Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
