Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
