You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize