so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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