using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
