This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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