So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
