I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How does it feel to date your dad?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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