I'm really into asian looking animals
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
