What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
