Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
