this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
We smell like vodka and hangover
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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