uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
