now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
