you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
