I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
