It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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