their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
