The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
