i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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