When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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