im gay
i know
yea but for you.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
