So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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