She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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