Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
