I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
