i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
