Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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