How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
where are you?
Hypothermia
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize