Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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