But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
