whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize