The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
