chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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