There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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