She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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