It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
