I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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