I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
