If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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