I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
