I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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