I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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