Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
