what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
