We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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