Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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