smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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