i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
