I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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